The Joyous Malingerer (Ogden Nash)

Who is the happy husband? Why, indeed,

‘Tis he who’s useless in the time of need;
Who, asked to unclasp a bracelet or a neckless,
Contrives to be utterly futile, fumbling, feckless,
Or when a zipper nips his loved one’s back
Cannot restore the zipper to its track.
Another time, not wishing to be flayed,
She will not use him as a lady’s maid.

Stove-wise he’s the perpetual backward learner
Who can’t turn on or off the proper burner.
If faced with washing up he never gripes,
But simply drops more dishes than he wipes.
She finds his absence preferable to his aid,
And thus all mealtime chores doth he evade.

He can, attempting to replace a fuse,
Black out the coast from Boston to Newport News,
Or, hanging pictures, be the rookie wizard
Who fills the parlor with a plaster blizzard.
He’ll not again be called to competition
With decorator or with electrician.

At last it dawns upon his patient spouse
He’s better at his desk than round the house.

Advertisements

One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s